Life as I know It

As difficult as it is for me to do this, life goes on, and so must I. I find this a very difficult concept to embrace because part of me wants to cling onto the sadness and hurt just so I have something left of Ryan. I know that sounds crazy, but I'm scared to let myself completely recover because I don't want to have it ever be okay. I know that my life is forever changed, and hopefully for the good. I can handle the big issues of his death without any problem, I find myself missing him and getting sad when small simple things remind me of him and that he is truly gone. I heard Guns' and Roses the other day and broke down in sobs. I can't imagine the sorrow that his children and wife, and my parents are feeling.

But time marches on and so must we. One of Ryan's favorite quotes was "I have to laugh to keep from crying!" (from my Grandpa Bill) and in that same spirit, I have to find the and focus on the good to keep from despairing. Luckily for me, my children, Shawn, my family and my wonderful friends have provided so much love and support that I have felt compeletly bouyed up. Thank you all for you kindness, for your love, for you!

I have three resolutions that I have to record for myself as a result from this:

#1) To be a better friend - so many people commented on Ryan's ability to make everyone feel like they were his best friend. He was so good to others.

#2) To be more compassionate and not judge - those go hand in hand for me. We never know the situation behind anyones mistakes, problems, addictions, sadness, unkindness, etc. How many times have I passed judgement on someone, without thinking that they too might be a brother, a son, a husband, a friend, a father, and deserve like all of us to be loved. All we can do is give each other love - even Charity. It is that more than anything else that will heal our hearts and make a profound difference in the lives of those around us.

#3) To tell people I love them every opportunity I get!