When Being a Parent is Tough

At the end of January, Jack's preschool teacher approached me about having him tested for physical and occupational therapy concerns.  She indicated most of her concerns came from his constant falling, tumbling, running into objects and people, and his inability to navigate around objects - almost as if he doesn't see them, etc. - I said fine, but I was writing all of these concerns off as "oh, that is just Jack."  I even said that he's been like this since he could walk: I mean when your name is Head-wound Harry, you know that its a hard knock life right?  We agreed to get the screening, and because it was a preliminary the tests included speech and psychological screening as well.

Again, I have to admit I was torn between feeling extremely grateful for a teacher who saw a problem and didn't just ignore it, and feeling like Jack is JUST Jack ... and all of this screening isn't going to amount to anything.  I began to analyze Jack at home and felt like I could judge for myself that he was mentally sound, physically shaky at times, but it didn't prevent him from doing anything he wanted.  With this in mind, I was shocked and a bit unnerved by the evaluation results that were being sent home.  With each of the four areas - the evaluations listed observations, some of which we expected: the tumbling, difficulty with balance, etc,; and others that we felt were normal behaviors: didn't initiate conversation with adults, turned his head as he approaches objects, etc.  Others we didn't know why they were even listed: he's a messy eater (so is Shawn!)  By the end of the evaluating process, I was DONE. I was done with feeling like Jack was weird or different. I was done watching everything Jack did and trying to determine whether this was normal 4.5 year old boy behavior or if he had issues that we needed to resolve.  It broke my heart to read about my child's delays, and feel like they were scrutinizing him and his intelligence. I would read behaviors that I've never seen displayed at home and wonder at how accurate these tests were because they felt very subjective.

I struggled with feelings of appreciation for programs that exist to help kids who need help, and feeling like they were finding problems just because they were looking for problems and want funding.  Certainly there must be other kids out there who really, really needed help.  Not my child.  We met with all of the specialists to discuss recommendations for his progress last Wednesday, and I have finally received peace.  We found out that Jack does qualify for speech, occupational, and physical therapy.  His instability and lack of strength causes problems specifically in a classroom because he disrupts others when he falls, or runs into them, etc.  His speech can be difficult for new people to understand, and can cause frustration for him and others when they can't get what he's trying to communicate.  He is minimally delayed in his fine motor abilities, and though he is able to complete tasks - he often is slower at doing it and can get frustrated. The one thing that all the evaluators noted was that Jack is eager to please and was always willing to try things.  They said this was help in his therapy, and that even therapy for a few months might show results and improvement.  We walked away from the meeting feeling like we were providing Jack with a chance to catch up on his areas of delay, which was a good feeling.

The underlying question I had was "Is Jack going to be normal?" Will he be a fully functioning adult? The answer was yes - but that these therapies would help to lessen frustration he might confront in a school setting with those delays.  In my heart I always felt like he'd be fine in the end.  I know that Jack was getting it academically in school, because I have witnessed his infatuation with sight words, his improvement in writing, his ability to add and subtract, etc. My hesitation to get him involved in therapy come from the feeling that he'll be "labeled" and would ever use his delays as an excuse to not try something or give 100% effort on things that are hard.  Honestly, these feelings still worry me, but I feel like he is at a great age to not only make a difference, but to do these activities without making him feel like he is "special" or different.  We enrolled him in a tumbling class to help target his core strength and provide a padded area for him to fall and crash! - which he is loving.  My good friend Dana, who is an OT provided me with great activities I can do that are everyday things to improve his fine motor skills and work on strengthening him.

As we move forward with this new information - I am grateful for a GREAT teacher, who saw a concern and acted on it.  I am grateful for evaluators who are kind, and willing to discuss my concerns. I am grateful for family and friends who listen to our worries and reassure us that everything will be fine.  I am grateful for therapists who work with kids who struggle to help them get better. I am grateful for Jack - who regardless of delays, instability, head wounds, and the like remains a ray a sunshine and pure JOY in our home.