Summers Schenanigans

Mother Nature has been playing cruel tricks on us - a week ago we enjoyed 2 BEAUTIFUL Warm, even HOT days (Fri. temp was in the 70s). Two days later we had snow and much cooler temps. We had our first taste of spring-summer and we are thirsty for more.... Spring Fever has officially taken over at our house:

Jack and Sam have been outside everyday, rain, snow, or shine and come in filthy but happy. We think that Jack possibly has Raynaud's Syndrome (where you have extremely cold hands and feet) is suffering from the crazy temps because he has been out without gloves most days. To keep himself entertained inside he has resorted to art: the supplies my makeup; the canvas his face! Nice! He is also in the slow process of potty training, not too successfully yet. He does find great pride in going by his self, and so far TWIX are the reward of choice.

Wax On - Wax Off - the boys are in LOVE with Karate Kid right now and Jack shows off his Mr. Myagi skills daily, all by his little lonesome.

Sam has been busy getting set up for Kindergarten, Tee-ball, Swimming Lessons and Basketball Camp (thank you Crapo boys... this is mostly because of his trip home). He is such a great kid. I have been finding times during the days where he and I will have an actual conversation about meaningful things. It is really nice, and I'm going to miss him when school starts in the Fall. He is loving BYU sports and Jimmermania right now - along with his dad. Shawn is what we call "Jimmer Drunk"! He literally can't get enough of him.

Lyv is such a sweety - but a sassy one at that! She knows what she wants and she demands instant satisfaction. But she is too stinkin' cute to not give in to her charms (or squeels!) A few milestones: #1) Hair bow in hair without a headband - It lasted about as long as it took to take the picture and then was clawed out!

#2) 1st Hat! Love this cute little hat on her:

#3) Standing - she has been pulling herself up onto everything, but she gets really scared once she is up, because she hasn't figured out how to get back down. Her legs can only support that booty for so long before she starts trembling from the effort.#4) 2nd Ballerina Outfit - I LOVE this outfit on Lyv. You know the outfits that are just perfect, this one is on her.

Idaho Recap

We spent five weeks in Idaho and had a great time visiting with our family... here are some pictures of our time there! We spent a weekend in Othello, WA with the Keele's to attend Ryker's baptism ( I forgot my camera and used Dad's, so those pictures will have to be posted later). We rode horses and that was a great experience for me and Sam. I'm no horsewoman, in fact the horse I was riding, Jewel, just gave up hope and turned around heading back to the barn. It was the quickest horse ride in history. It was great to see Ryker get baptized, he is such an awesome 8 year old!

I also returned from brunette to blonde while home (my mom HATES my hair dark). I'm loving it and its more summery anyways...(Don't be fooled, though a close twin... that's not me! Love ya Cade!!)

Lyv had some major milestones while home, one of which I posted: her learning to crawl "normal" instead of the butt scoot. She is so funny because she continues to do BOTH. On hard floors she does the scoot and on carpet she crawls. She also got 4, yes 4, new teeth. AND... she is weened! She did really get. She is such a little gabber and won the hearts of everyone at home.

We got family pictures with the Summers' Fam and I can't wait to see those - but here is one of the time we were together. The Robinson's weren't there, but we had a great time seeing everyone and are so glad they are all in Idaho! Lyv was a favorite here too, especially with the girl cousins. They loved mothering her. She is so lucky.

We spent President's Day Weekend at the cabin, and this is where EVERYONE and I mean everyone proceeded to get sick. We had some major stomach flu, and for about 2 weeks I was up to my elbows in poop or vomit. Poor Jack took the brunt of this, and held on to his issues for several weeks. He is now getting back to normal, but seriously lost about 5 lbs. while home. I found him one morning sleeping like this. This is typical though with Jack. He has a really funny personality, and I find him sitting, laying, lounging in crazy positions with hands behind his head, or with his head in his hands (maybe its because he head is heavy:) He's a doll and lately has been all over Despicable Me... he sings the songs, quotes the lines, and dances!

Sam was over the moon to be back in Idaho and with cousins. There was not a day that went by that he didn't have a playmate. This was by far the highlight of the trip. Oh, and trips to the Dollar store and CAL Ranch!! I love this characteristic of Sam - He LOVES to shop!! I took him to the BYU bookstore to get a new BYU jersey and when we were done, he said, "Mom, that was the best thing ever!" I agree.... The day before we left, the Hill family headed to the local Bowling alley and tore up the alleys! It was so much fun, and a great way to end our time together.

We headed back home with my mom in tow. I love this lady and I'm so glad she got to come back with us. In January, I had arranged for her to come out and watch the kids while Shawn and I went to Florida for a podiatry conference. She accepted! We had a great time (again I forgot my camera - I'm totally losing my mind!) But we had a great time, relaxed, soaked up sun, and came home with a wicked tan and plenty of zzzz's.. Thanks mom!!

We came home to a new household feature - the gate! Lyv's mobility and header down the stairs prompted this installment. At first I was annoyed, now I'm in love! Not only does it eliminate any worry of Lyv falling down the stairs, but it also keeps Jack out of the kitchen. He hasn't figured out how to open it on his own YET, and I'm loving it. Though it looks like a jail, they really are bars of LOVE!!

Feeling Lucky

I get to be the mother of these THREE

wonderful, beautiful, healthy, happy, and did I mention FUN kids..... Pinch ME!!!

We started off St. Patty's Day with a hearty bowlful of Lucky Charms (you must say it with and Irish accent, me laddy)!
Then followed that up with lunch of green eggs and ham - and we do like them Sam, I am! More green will be following but for now, its time to go enjoy the nicer weather. We even have sunshine! This is my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Sam just said the funniest thing (he is SOOOO into celebrating holidays to the fullest...) "Its good to have Goldfish for a snack on St. Patrick's Day because leprachauns have "gold".

Life as I know It

As difficult as it is for me to do this, life goes on, and so must I. I find this a very difficult concept to embrace because part of me wants to cling onto the sadness and hurt just so I have something left of Ryan. I know that sounds crazy, but I'm scared to let myself completely recover because I don't want to have it ever be okay. I know that my life is forever changed, and hopefully for the good. I can handle the big issues of his death without any problem, I find myself missing him and getting sad when small simple things remind me of him and that he is truly gone. I heard Guns' and Roses the other day and broke down in sobs. I can't imagine the sorrow that his children and wife, and my parents are feeling.

But time marches on and so must we. One of Ryan's favorite quotes was "I have to laugh to keep from crying!" (from my Grandpa Bill) and in that same spirit, I have to find the and focus on the good to keep from despairing. Luckily for me, my children, Shawn, my family and my wonderful friends have provided so much love and support that I have felt compeletly bouyed up. Thank you all for you kindness, for your love, for you!

I have three resolutions that I have to record for myself as a result from this:

#1) To be a better friend - so many people commented on Ryan's ability to make everyone feel like they were his best friend. He was so good to others.

#2) To be more compassionate and not judge - those go hand in hand for me. We never know the situation behind anyones mistakes, problems, addictions, sadness, unkindness, etc. How many times have I passed judgement on someone, without thinking that they too might be a brother, a son, a husband, a friend, a father, and deserve like all of us to be loved. All we can do is give each other love - even Charity. It is that more than anything else that will heal our hearts and make a profound difference in the lives of those around us.

#3) To tell people I love them every opportunity I get!

Tender Mercies

A week and a half have come and gone, and still I feel like it is a dream at times. Part of me can't really grasp that Ryan is gone. However I feel that I need to record some of the sweet tender mercies that have been given to me and my family during this difficult time.

For Christmas my mom sent me the book The Continuous Atonement by Brad Wilcox. I decided to read it while exercising each morning and I'm am so grateful that I did. This book and its message have come into my mind more than anything else and brought a great sense of peace and comfort to me throughout this past week. It testifies that Christ's atonement is infact continuous, and that because none of are perfect or will be perfect when we die, progression continues in the next life. I feel like this book prepared me to handle Ryan's death with faith, with hope, and with trust in an All-knowing Heavenly Father.

Second I scheduled my trip home for the entire month of February. Just before I headed home, Shawn asked me why I chose February, and I answered I didn't know. I don't believe that this was a coincidence. I can't describe my gratitude at being home when the accident occurred and being able to stay a while longer and be close to my parents and siblings. Our merciful Father in Heaven has a plan and we need to trust in it, and it will reveal His love for us.

Last fall I had a prompting to send Ryan a letter and tell him I love him. I thought about it for weeks and couldn't shake it. I just felt like he needed to hear that. I sent the letter, but never thought about it again. Now I know why I felt that prompting, and I'm eternally grateful that I followed through. I don't allows follow promptings I have, but I will try harder.

Finally during the memorial service and funeral I was able to really reflect on my time with Ryan and on his life. I am so grateful for this time. I learned so much about my brother, and his generosity, his love, and his service to those around him. I am confident that our mistakes will not outway our good works. He truly thought about others and anonymously served when service was needed. As we've struggled to come to terms with the circumstances of his death, one quote from Boyd K. Packer has resounded with me and my family and it reads:

"I repeat, save for the exception of the very few who defect to perdition, there is no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no apostasy, no crime exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness. That is the promise of the atonement of Christ.

How all can be repaired, we do not know. It may not all be accomplished in this life. We know from visions and visitations that the servants of the Lord continue the work of redemption beyond the veil." The Brilliant Morning of Forgiveness - Ensign 1995 I am so grateful for the gospel that reveals to us the knowledge of life after death, and the infinite and complete nature of the atonement. I have felt an increased compassion and desire to not judge those around me. I feel like Ryan has taught me that. All I can do is my best, and in my imperfect state, I will ask for the Savior's mercy to make me whole. Thank you to all of you who have shown your love, compassion and support for our family at this time. It has been greatly appreciated and words are not enough to express our love for you. Thank you for your kindness.

To Ryan, I love you, and I'm so grateful for the time I had with you on earth. I look forward to the day when I can give you a hug and thank you for your goodness and influence in my life.

My Brother

Saturday night we recieved devastating news that my oldest brother, Ryan, was killed in a car accident. My heart is so full of sadness, of good memories, of images of him, and of the moments when he blessed my life by being a true BROTHER. I feel that if I don't write down some of these memories, I might lose them, so here it goes...

My earliest memories are of him in boxer shorts rocking out to Guns and Roses, with air guitar in hand. He was 8 years older than me and so I think I've always been his very "little" sister, even now at 27. He had a contagious smile and is noted by that one feature more than any other. He was called "Iceman" after Val Kilmer's character in Top Gun, because he looked so similar to him. He was always with friends and always laughing. I always felt "special" to him, because he had a nickname for me - "Skipper" like Barbie's little sister - and I never questioned his love for me!

Most of my memories however occurred later in life, when I moved down to Utah to attend BYU. It is here that I felt like I connected with him the most. He was always the caregiver to me. He invited Shawn and I over for Sunday dinner nearly every week - which he by the way always cooked. He was an incredible cook. When Shawn and I were first married, he came over and hooked up our cable for us (since he had been a cable guy before). He always took Shawn and I water skiing with his sweet little family, and we loved watching him ski. One night we went to Deer Creek Reservior and went night skiing using GLo-sticks. His glo-stick fell out of his life jacket and so we thought he had dropped - but did that stop him for hanging on? Not once second. He always treated us to dinner and I really loved spending time with him and his family.

I remember him helping us move from Utah back to Idaho and then packing up to head out to Iowa. He was always there to help. I don't know one time in my life when he wasn't there to give a hand. He was always laughing and telling a funny story, but was not a man of many words. He had a great love for his family and for his friends.

My heart aches for his sweet family. Lisa, Christine, Nathan, Lauren, Madelyn, and Charlie are all doing well. They are hurting, but they know that he lives in heaven. I too am so grateful for my knowledge and testimony of the plan of salvation. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for a loving Savior who made it possible for us to repent, to return to live with our Heavenly Father, and to be ressurrected. It is only through that continuous atonement that we can become more like our Savior and Father in Heaven, and that we can all be together as a family forever. I am grateful for priesthood that binds us to together as families for time and ALL Eternity! I am grateful for my brother Ryan, for his love, for his life, for influence for good, and his example of being a true friend. He will be greatly missed. Ryan I love you!

Goodbye to the Boot Scoot and Boogie!!

For the past two months Lyv has been on the move - but in her own special way. Our house is entirely wood floor and so I've never put her on her belly to help her learn to crawl. So she learned how to scoot with one leg in front, one leg in back, pulling herself with her chunky arms. When we got to Idaho she had to deal with carpet, and this provided a bit of a challenge for her scooting. She finally gave up her old ways and learned to crawl like a real girl!